I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
