I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
