so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
