Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
