So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
