Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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