next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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