I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Randomize
