I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
