dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
