Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
