DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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