I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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