It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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