I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
