everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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