Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
