i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
