Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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