Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
