Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
