The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
