i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
