you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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