Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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