I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
