the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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