I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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