I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
