i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
