my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
