So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
