Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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