I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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