It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
