five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
3pm strippers are depressing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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