On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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