So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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