I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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