Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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