dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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