just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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