Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
