Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
