Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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