this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
