In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
