Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
