why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
