I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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